Friday, May 20, 2011

Taboo...The "S" word

How y'all doing?

So I've been meaning to write on this topic for a long time but always sorta kinda you know felt reluctant, but today I just had to let it out. In a way I feel like I've been called to reach out to teenagers especially high school age but I keep giving God one excuse or the other, but today it was a no no. Its already 12:55am and the Lord keep saying I won't let you sleep till you write this. Mind you I just finish my exams and moving out of the dorm so I'm more than exhausted, so as God's will here I'm writing this post. For anyone that might be offended by anything I say on here please accept my apologies in advance and know that I have no intent to hurt any feelings.

 Let's talk about sex!...Oh yeah you read that right the "S" word. To me I feel like this topic is a taboo in some cultures and even in the African communities in America where everything in the media is pretty much about sex.

I was moved to post this when I had a mini high school reunion with about six ladies last weekend. I will not necesarily call it a reunion because we all go to the same university but with each of us in totally different field we barely see each other and after almost 4 years it was definitely time to catch up.

After a long week, all I wanted to do was sleep in on Friday but somehow I still managed to go  to the get together. When I got there first thing I saw was the girls had already gone shopping and was ready to get cooking which I was excited for since I love to cook.  We all greated each other and all that since some of us has not seen each other in months . After that one of the ladies let's call her minister came up to me all smiling and bashing her eyelashes,

Minister: So Mz YSU how are you? I miss you
YSU: um I'm good, I've been around since you don't return my call
Minister: Gurl I'm sorry you know how it is....
Minister: So YSU can I ask you a question?

Ms. Minister went on smiling, talking softly, bashing eyelashes, saying you know its a personal question and I've never asked you before and I don't know how you will feel about it, yadi yadi yada...10 Minuetes later minister turn to one of the other girl ms ohsocute can you please ask the question for me? Ms. Ohsocute turn to Ms. Honest and said can you ask her for me? At this point Mz Yellow sisi was already  turning all red trying to figure out what this "QUESTION" was that nobody wanted to ask....5 minutes later Ms. Honest still did not ask so Ms. Minister finally let the question out "Are you a virgin?"

Funniest thing was before Minister even finish her question I had already screamed out my yes. It was as if she was asking "what is your name" and because you know it you just scream it out. Anyway It was after I answered that I realize the question she had ask me. Initially I had no facial reaction but after I thought about it, my question was "is that it?, was that the question every body did not want to ask?

Minister: Yeah, cuz we thought it might be very personal
YSU: umm OK

Now to me I did not see what the big deal was about this question, It is something that I'm proud of and definitely do not mind sharing it. Now if you had seen the ladies faces it was as if it was a huge crime and  a big taboo. It sad that because sex sell some girls feel like it's a taboo to be a virgin and others say things like "girl you are so old school" or "girl you are missing out on some good fun" Honestly who cares? If it ain't for the hubby why should it be fun?

Now sex is one topic that mother and I never  talked about in my early teen, all that was said was it was bad for you and boys are bad for you. This is common among many youth and therefore they are left with no other options than to learn from the media, their mates or even experiment on their own.

So is Sex a good thing?
 Personally I'd say sex is a beautiful thing created by God for a man and his wife. Now looking at it from the Bible side, God created all things that were good and therefore sex is a good thing...After His creation, he said unto them be fruitful and multiply. remember a man and his wife not any man and any woman.

Genesis 1: 27-28 – “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number;

Premarital Sex?

I'm not in the position to say what is right or wrong but I must say that the society we live on today have become very relax about sex talk and all that so we are made to believe that it is ok before marriage but the Bible tells us otherwise, It is part of our duty to learn to control ourselves.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 – “It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable

Also Hebrews 13:4 tells me that marriage should be honored and the marital bed kept pure. Now that implies weather you are single or not that bed belongs to someone and until you are with that someone it should not be defiled. While I was studying sha I found this verse and I kinda sorta like it :) so all the married folks I hope y'all are doing your duties. The verse is

1 Corinthians 7:2-3 – “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

But it's so tempting!

Off course na its not easy, I can testify to that been twenty-something years and still holding back, there's been times I just want to say "I love him so much" or "Just this one Lord" and I hear "NO!" Now been the human that we are temptation are to come our ways weather we like it or not but however it is the given in that makes it a sin.

I had a perfect bible verse for this part but I've been searching for it in my bible and can't find it so I gave up but the verse goes something along the line of "There is no temptation that is above you, and  God is faithful and will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear" (I really wish I could find this). My point is hang in there even if you are tempted.

What if I've already done it?

If you have not sin raise up your hand. My point is we have all sin one way or the other and if yours is through sex well it is not too late to be made whole again, God is an ever forgiven God. The moment we acknowledge that we were wrong and ask for forgiveness and the strenght not to do it again He will surely forgive. Now in addition to God forgiving you and I, we must also learn to forgive ourselves no matter how much the devil will try to remind you of it, look him in the face and tell him "I'm a new creation and I'm forgiven" see ACT 13:38 regarding forgiveness.

*exhale* Now that it's all said and done (quiet long huh?), I'm so sleepy and therefore refuse to go back and proof read



  1. Ok,this is a very lovely post.Let me continue by saying alot of people know this (even though alot of people are also clueless),but the pressure made them yield.You know it's easier to do the wrong thing than to do the right thing,yet that doesn't mean 'wrong' is 'right'.Nice one again!

  2. The verse you are looking for is 1 Corinthians 10:13, "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it]"

    Great words Sisi Yemi and I am with you on this... May God forgive all our pasts and help us to remain pure now and all our days :)

    - LDP

  3. That's actually my favourite verse in the Bible,it gets me through anything and everything.

    It takes the grace of God to break away from sex or to not indulge in the first place and i'm proud of you for holding on this long. God bless you for sharing this.

  4. Ms Yellow Sisi unspoken! This is the second time someone confuses our identity or are you also Yemi? Le Dynamique This is a lovely post and i agree that there should be no premarital sex!

  5. LOL @ Sisi Yemmie...I actually confuse you both too, i don't know why.

    @Ms Yellow Sisi Unspoken - great post. But then take into account the fact that others will argue that virginity is a thing you do for yourself. Not to make any hubby happy because truthfully most guys are not keeping themselves pure for a "wife". That verse says we should keep the marital bed undefiled, I think we hamper so much on feminine virginity and neglect the male aspect. I;m not saying that's what you did though...great post once again.

  6. @9ja great you are so right on that the wrong things always tend to be sweet and easier that the right one

    @LDP Amen to the praayers and thanks so much for checking out that Bible portion i reaally need to remember at you calling me sisi yemi

    @dosh Amen and it definitely does takes God's grace and His grace is sufficient for us all

    @sisi yemi lol nope i'm just YSU i guess its the sisi part that cause the confusion :)...Anyway thanks!

    @Beautiful...Yay i love you for sharing that, there is an adage along the line that when one forget something the next person completes it. it is definitely not just women that should remain virgin and it is sure sad that many of our brothers do not keep or say no to premarital sex...Thanks again!

  7. I am also strongly against pre-marital sex! i dnt care if ppl call me old-school. Not only is cristianity against it, but think of all the STD's u may get from sleeping with multiple partners..and even unwanted pregnancy(cos condom's arent even 100% safe).
    I'm surprised ur friends were beating around the bush b4 they asked that, these days people talk about sex so brashly.

  8. An insightful post.....agreed with beautiful..what about the males? ....a man can bed 100 gals and still wants a virgin for a wife! but expects other men to marry the gals they had slept with! *unfair* nevertheless, pre-marital sex is wrong. Weldone dear for keeping the temple of the LORD holy and undefiled :D GOD would continue to strengthen you.amen

  9. I agree with your thoughts here. It's an awesome, truthful post. Good advice. I'm totally for sex only after marriage oh. And for those that have done it, it's enough to recognize that you messed up and start saving it again - secondary virgins :D


  10. Wow! I really wanna thank you for this post. I can relate to it in many ways. Thanks for shedding more light on this topic. God will continue to guide you. This post has really helped me understand some things. Well, I pray God forgives us for all the sins we've committed. Amen. Once again, thanks, I was really blessed by this! :)

  11. @kitkat i know right STD is real although some still think condom works 100%

    @Ibhade yes it is definitely very unfair that we ladies have to suffer but all in all God is our strength

    @Adiya Thanks ladie...i like the word you use "secondary virgin"

    @Sweet aww Amen i'm glad the post was a blessing dear

  12. Is there anything left to be said? You guys have said it all. Lawd have mercy...

  13. Blessings....
    The thing is we live in the real world and people need to talk intelligently about sex. Sex should not be a taboo subject, its tabooness makes it dangerous because girls/boys, men/women participate in the indulgence without know how to protect them selves, how to say no, how to have enough self-esteem to not allow their selves to be talked into, coerced and seduced into having sex before they are ready. Many feel that talking about sex will encourage young people to do it, well news flash they arent talking about it and yet they are doing it, duh!

    Education is the key and talking about it intelligently allows people to make proper decisions. Peer pressure is not easy, we are all subject one way or another so the more you know about the subject, the safety,precautions and risk factors the better the chances are of people thinking before they act, allowing others to pressure them into it and making and informed decisions about their life and the consequences of acting without thinking, doing without protecting and assuming without really knowing.

    Men and women, teenagers and young adults need to understand that their life is their responsibility and they will be accountablel for any decision they make or allow others to convince them into.

  14. very lovely post, where u discussed temptation "I can testify to that been twenty-something years and still holding back" guess u forgot to add "twenty-something years and still holding back IN THIS NEW GENERATION WE FIND OURSELVES IN" But yeah may God help us through

  15. Abstenance is a personal decision, one that must be made in obedience to biblical injuction and for the purpose of sexual purity.

    It is important that you have pointed out that those who've strayed before can still choose that path.

  16. Sex shouldn't be a taboo to be talked about knowing a lot of people perish for lack of ignorance, the more people are aware, the less problems our society would face, bring it on..lovely post.

  17. @Honeydame...Amen o

    @Midst of hers: Thank you so much dear

    @Rhapsody ...Well said thanks so much on the insight Education is definitely the key and everyday should be set aside for learning

    @Chizy are so right this new generation NA WA!....welcome back girl!

    @P.E.T Project...Yes o He watch our sins away and whosoever ask for forgiveness and a new path shall receive...Thanks

    @YNC...Yes dear we need to talk more about it especially to the younger ones because middle school and high school is where most of it all start

  18. You are so spot on. I really think we need to be more open about sex. We need to demystify it and not make it look so intriguing, i think that when people see that its really not as mysterious as they think it is they'll be less tempted to seek it outside God's word.

  19. You really gave the post a lot of thought and I agree with you. Not because sex is all over should it become common, and we should also learn to talk about it too.

    Rhapsody captures it best.

  20. In my opinion, as a Christian, we are to separate from the world. So no matter how tempting premarital sex is, we should still say no to it!

    But great post with the provided verses. :)

  21. This is a nice piece, young adults should read this to be enlightened.